then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
