I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most