i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his