I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.