dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
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Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms