Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?