Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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