just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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