dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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