It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
