maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
