Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
