I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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