but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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