I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
