this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
