I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
