i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
