I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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