I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
