Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
