I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I want to fling myself into the sun
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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