Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
