u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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