I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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