How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
