I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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