I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
