Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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