just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
