Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
