I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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