I skipped work to stalk him.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
