my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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