just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
