Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm really busy with my period
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