Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
