My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
