Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
