if i can run in heels then i can drive
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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