Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
