Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
