Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
