i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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