i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
