I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think my moral compass just broke
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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