Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
