So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
3 2 1 whiskey
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
