Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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