i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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