I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
