Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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