he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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