I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
