New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
