No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
