My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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