Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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