Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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