I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
