i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
