i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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