Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
