I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
