well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
