she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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