Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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