Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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