He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
