I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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