Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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